Idgaf

Here I am , where I’ve always been and never wanted to be.. ghastly … to think that someone comes here intentionally. A long journey down winding paths, most of the time you weren’t even beside me. But nevertheless you paved the path and this is where you brought me… I don’t want to be here to keep company with your ghost, though of the two of you he was here the most. Although in comparison I’d say he holds more appeal.. because of the two he never lied and kept it real. I don’t know if you ever loved me what does it even matter? But you showed me how it feels to be hated and jaded , and how each day can grow colder and even sadder. If I were to judge it by an expression of actions … which speak louder then words.. I’d have to say you fucking hated me.. yeah I’ll stick with that I don’t want to lie to myself ever again.. I don’t ever want to make anyone else’s lies more palatable .. to live in a lie is a world uninhabitable .. that I did for years was unimaginable. How can I ever articulate, the absurdity that accompanied me while I wait , that allowed me to love with an intensity someone who so frequently showed me hate. Oh well that shit was in my fate. I’m enraged though I didn’t see that all the time you were making a joke of me.. little things you said and over the phone .. were really encrypted little fuck you dumb bitch fuck you’S that didn’t hit home . Because who can expect such hatred from any other? I guess it was hatred that made such a passionate lover. I can never understand the cruelty and absurdity of your actions, whatever your intentions they never happened. Why did you take me and make me a joke.. the memory of reading texts and posts you used to write about me on Facebook ( the most) is what used to make me really sad. I spoke so highly of you and anything you said about me was bad. It took years to discover I was dealing with a sociopath. You fucked me with love and spoke of me with wrath. No wonder I was so confused. It was all a ruse , and now I’m of no use. Which is fine you no longer amuse. I only wish you didn’t have to be a coward too. At least coulda been psycho with balls .. but no, too cowardly.. none, none at all. Lying calls to hang me on for years .. why?? Just to fuck me off real good for GAF about you? Stupid. Well I’m getting over it . Once I realise the true nature of a thing.. or a “not” thing.. it’s over. Whatever it was all for a reason.. I hope that reason was to teach you regret or that at least once in your life you’re shown love (wait no you can’t feel it as a sociopath that’s right ).. although that’s a long shot in the dark I bet. Surely the reason wasn’t to teach me.. “ never trust a whitey” lol

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That’s the last rhyming rambling pile of crap I have to regurgitate on that matter. That you even read it, I’m flattered.

Published by Maniacal Moon Media

i am a struggling panicky and poetic person in Tucson..i am at times too kind, too trusting and am currently hacked, stalked and suffering financially from identity theft and losing ability to collect funds and get to work..yikes

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